Saturday, February 19, 2011

Ollie, Two


He's two. And the day he turned two--the very morning of his birthday--was the day he refused to hold my hand going down the stairs when we dropped Cass off at school. He said "no!" when i tried to help him like I always do. No railing. No wall. Nothing to grab. But "no!" it would not be my hand. Not today, not when he's two years old. He would walk down the stairs by himself, thank you very much.

I love that about him. That independence, even though he still screams "mommy!" if anyone else tries to get him juice or put on his clothes or carry him around the kitchen while I cook breakfast. I love how he pronounces "joosh." I love how he still throws both hands in the air over his head when he's excited. I love how he plays by himself, making little plastic guys talk and move, just like he sees his brother do. I love how he laughs if you look at him for a really long time, and hides behind my legs in front of strangers. I love how he listens to almost everything (get your shoes, let's pick up toys) but won't repeat a single word he's said a hundred times when you ask him to. I don't love how he smashes his hands down onto his plate/bowl of food or hurls it across the room if he doesn't get something he wants, but I'm sure we'll laugh about it one day. I love how he rubs his fingers along my lips when we're snuggling in bed every morning (and sometimes up my nose) and how my name is the first thing he says when he wakes up. I love how he sometimes gets out of bed after we've put him down and comes to the top of the stairs... "mommy, mommy... daddy?" just to see if he'll get a response. I love how hard to get he plays with his affectionate brother, but he almost always gives in and hugs back. I love how he deposits the tiniest of lego implements and nails and anything else that will fit into the keyhole in the front door--a stash he checks every day. I love how he almost always has a toothbrush in his hand or mouth. And how he unloads everything in my purse and wallet and bathroom drawer and scatters it across the floor or hides it in impossible-to-detect places around the house. I love how he refuses to say hi to people and just stares at them somberly while they try to elicit a response with an annoying high-pitched toddler voice. I love how he says hi repeatedly to everyone and no one in particular when he's in the mood to be friendly. "hi hi hi hi hi hi." I love how much he loves footwear -- and how he begs for me to put on certain boots and shoes, including a his favorite pair with the yellow laces that he's long outgrown. I suspect it's because he doesn't want to be left behind. I love how he brings me broken toys and says "awwwww" like they're hurt animals. I love how he summons all his strength into his bent legs, throwing up his arms at his sides, to get off the ground when he jumps. I love how proud and satisfied he looks when he's funny. I love how he sits at the piano, playing gently and purposefully, and sometimes lays his head down to the side--low so he can be closer to the music, with his head almost resting on the keys. I love how he calls trains "railroad" (with without the d at the end). I love his fearlessness--not a wild fearless but a quiet, determined one. I love this age of his, two.

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Loggin Legacy


When Ryan was a kid, his parents had a place Up-North--a cute little chalet filled with memories, ski boot walking distance from Nubs Nob. About ten years ago, they sold it to a relative. Like, the whole thing in one tidy, cohesive package: every piece of furniture, wooden bear, tchochke, fork, all still positioned in the same foam memory of the previous owners. Since before Cass was Ollie's age, we've been going up there every winter and staying in the same "loggin" (Cass' brilliant word invention). I like to think about how it's all making some of the same imprints--the tree wallpaper, the sled hill out back, warming cold body parts in front of the same fireplace and under the same wool blankets. I don't know why that makes me so happy--an inheritance of shared nostalgia. Present and future.









The Disconnected Mouth of Cass


Mom, I have to tell you something you’re not going to like.

What?

I like skateboards better than the violin.

That’s ok. And you know what? You don’t have to choose. You can do both.

You mean play the violin on a skateboard?

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Cass, why did you call me up here again? It's time to go to sleep, love.

I’m worried about you.

Why are you worried?

Because I think there might be werewolves down there.

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Cass, I better not hear you say that word again.

But I didn’t say it. My mouth said it.

You control your mouth. And you are responsible for what you say.

You better tell my mouth that.

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Close your eyes, Cass. It’s time to take a nap.

I can’t. My eyes want to look out the window.

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Mom, everyone dies someday, right?

[Me, a little distraught, because he has been talking about death so much lately and crying and crying and crying because he doesn’t want me to die ever, even when he’s an old man. And I don’t want him to get upset again] Yes, Cass, baby. Everyone does die eventually, but you don’t have to worry about me dying for a really long time. It shouldn't even...

[Interrupting] Well, Daddy will die sometime, too, right?

Yes, but Cass…

Well, when Daddy dies, then can we get a cat?